“How do you ask someone to just man the fuck up, get over themselves and just get the shit done in a polite, positive and inspirational manner?
How do you explain that friendship is something that is built over time, and though you may be super pissed, you don’t decide friendship away, it just strengthens or weakens unless it is irreparably broken?
How do you say, you can’t always have it your way?” -J
[Context, just so you know a bit about the person asking: J previously disclosed that one of her great strengths & weaknesses comes from being very direct. e.g. calling out anything that doesn’t pass muster as she sees it–sometimes with vulgar language. This was from a private posting among friends so just know that her frustration’s being expressed among trusted individuals.]
Not sure about circumstances so grains of salt coming from the most cushy, empathetic point of view boiled down into 3 steps:
1) just do it/love the grind
1.5) *what is your first step? (if they seem overwhelmed by the challenge)
2) *here’s why getting __ done matters for all of us (including you) as a team
3) *establish parameters/boundaries for the emotional “work”
*these matter only if you are willing to do them (and make sure you’re not confusing obligations from a job with ethical responsibility as a decent human being).
e.g. for #3: let’s schedule a time for unpacking the emotions after we’ve met the deadline / this is not the appropriate time to __, we’ll have an opportunity to do so later.
Designate some time where you’d be willing to discuss further on an emotional level if it does seem like something that matters a lot.
Some people don’t have the same social capital and supports, and it makes a difference to know that people they’re around are willing to hear them out, so putting parameters on when/how it would be more acceptable to unpack might be beneficial.
You don’t have to (probably shouldn’t) be stepping in as their therapist [in terms of 100% being responsible for their care]. Of course not being a therapist doesn’t exempt people from responsibility to maintain humanity, and sometimes you are the only person who’s able to recognize and hear the individual out in a way that they feel safe.
Knowing the following might be helpful. I’m pretty sure recognizing “codependent” behavior and healthier alternatives can address the root of most intangible abusive or dysfunctional behavior–even in the workplace.
This is more on the individual to discern than it is for you, but being able to distinguish the difference between “embracing the suck”/overcoming whatever problems/moving on, vs. tolerating abuse or withdrawing/not communicating in a healthy way would be another thing that can help.